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I’m Back, Bitches (yes, again)

16 Jun

Hey dudes and dudettes…

I know it’s been a while. I’m sorry. Life gets in the way and I get unmotivated and then shit just goes all willy-nilly and I forget I even know I have this site until I get the email for renewing my domain name and I think “Well, shit. I should probably go ahead and get back on the proverbial horse” and then I start three different drafts of different stories and get frustrated because I’m convinced it’s drivel and don’t actually get anything posted. We writers are a temperamental, hyper-critical bunch. With that, I beg your forgiveness once again for my laziness and overall apathy about actually pursuing this whole writing thing and make yet another promise to be far more consistent with my updates. 

2013 got off to a bit of a rocky start for me. My grandmother passed away and I had to make the hardest decision of my life in putting my tiny little baby angel, Dexter, to sleep. If any of you has ever had to decide to end a pet’s suffering, you know just how heart breaking such an event can be. In dealing with all of that, I kind of lost sight of who I was and what I want from life and all the big questions grief and loss bring about. Also, I realize how big of an asshole I look like for sounding like I miss my dog more than I do my grandmother, but I can assure you I miss her too – it was a long time coming, and to be honest, we all knew it was absolutely her time. It still hasn’t quite hit me yet that she is gone forever, and Dexter’s absence is glaring every time I walk in the house and he’s not here. 

Anyway, enough with the depressing stuff. What 2013 has also brought me thus far is a second chance at getting to know and building a relationship with my biological father. It has reconnected me with some friends I haven’t talked to in quite some time. It has taught me to forgive grudges I didn’t even realize I was holding, and it has given me the opportunity to focus on who and what’s important in my life. It’s made me understand that I am a very different person than I was ten years ago, and a very different person than I was five years ago. I’ve grown and changed and improved. I still have work to do, but I’m okay with that.

I think one of my favorite things about logging into WordPress after a long absence is the crazy ridiculous amount of comments I have awaiting approval. Roughly 95% of them are spam, and the other 5% either love my stuff or hate it. My favorite comment this time around was posted on my Planet Fitness post. It stated, “This reads like it was written by a 14 year old. Very immature and ignorant.” To that guy, I simply have to say fuck you very much. That post was satirical in nature and it’s one of my highest-viewed posts of all time. Additionally, the word ignorant doesn’t mean rude or immature. Let me Google the definition for you: ignorant (even if you know the definition, click the link because it’s fun). Also, you’re probably bitter that you fall into one or more of the categories of Planet Fitness members I mentioned. I’d like to point out that there certainly are normal people that go there to work out and fall into none of the categories I wrote about – I’m friends with many of them. Whatever, dude. It’s called the internet… shut that computer down if you’re going to be all butt-hurt about things.

Expect things to get pretty random around here… I’m working on a couple other writing projects (while also working, taking grad classes, and studying for the state insurance licensing test) so I’m a little all over the place (nothing new, right?). 

 

XOXO

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See ya, 2012.

1 Jan

I can’t thank any of you who bother to read my random ramblings enough…  Here’s a summary of my 2012 stats.

 

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 4,200 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 7 years to get that many views.

Click here to see the complete report.

Sandy Hook Elementary.

14 Dec

April 20, 1999.

April 16, 2007.

July 20, 2012.

December 14, 2012.

The above dates should stand out to all of us. Columbine. Virginia Tech. Aurora, CO. And now, Sandy Hook Elementary School. All of these places that many of us have never heard of became national news when people took it upon themselves to walk into these places, these schools, and that movie theater, and open fire. Not even six months ago, I sat in shock, trying to find the words to describe my thoughts on what happened in Aurora, at a midnight showing of The Dark Knight Rises. For Aurora – my post from that day – still seems inadequate in actually putting my thoughts together on that tragedy.

Today, our country witnessed more evil. Twenty children and six adults in the town of Newtown, Connecticut were murdered. Their lives were ended violently and senselessly. They were killed for no fathomable reason other than someone felt the need to take a loaded gun into a school and go on a killing spree. In my post about Aurora, I mentioned that such tragedy could have struck in Anytown, USA. I am reminded again that I could have been on the receiving end of a phone call, telling me that one of my little brothers was a victim of such despicable violence. My brothers, ages seven and ten, go to elementary school, just like every single child who lost their life today did. It is a place to learn and make friends, a place to begin to build the foundation of who they will become as they grow up. It should never be a place of fear or trauma or violence. It should not be a place of lock-down and gunshots and death.

In watching the news today and in reading my Twitter feed, I couldn’t help but cry. The overwhelming grief I feel for victims I have never met brings tears to my eyes now, as I try to collect my thoughts to get them out in print. From reports that I read, the shooter targeted his mother and her kindergarten class. Let me say it again, so that it truly sinks in. He targeted his mother, a kindergarten teacher, and her class. Kindergarten. Children that are five and six years old, who have barely even learned to read or tie their shoes. They were massacred in the one place that is supposed to be a safe haven, even if their home is not. Twenty sets of parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and friends had to be informed a child they loved would never come out of that school again alive. Children. Kids whose lives had just begun. Kids who will never have a first kiss, who will never learn to drive a car, or go on a first date. Kids who won’t get married or go to college or go on to be President of the United States. Kids who won’t become scientists or ballerinas or doctors or lawyers.

My heart aches for everyone affected by this tragedy. It aches for the families of the victims, it aches for the survivors, whose lives will never be the same again. It aches for a community that has been completely torn apart by such a heinous act, that now has to learn to heal in the face of such atrocity. My heart aches for our country, as we all hold our breath and wonder when the next asshole with a gun is going to decide to open fire in a public place or in a school or a mall or a movie theater. It aches to know that such events polarize us as a nation when it should really be bringing us closer together. My heart aches wondering if this could have been prevented, if there were signs the shooter was going to do this. It aches that, in the aftermath of such events, people begin to forget, only to be reminded when the next tragedy occurs.

I am disgusted. I am disgusted with the shooter, and I am disgusted with the media, who reported who the shooter was before having all the facts. I am disgusted that the media is interviewing parents of surviving children, and most of all, I am disgusted the media interviewed and televised children that were present at the time of the shooting today. I am disgusted that someone would commit such an act of violence, and that someone could have so much evil inside them that they could kill any human being, let alone a child. I am disgusted that the shooter is dead, and will not have to be held accountable for his own actions.

In reading my Twitter feed, I was pleased to see most of the accounts I follow take the day to drop what they normally talk about and share their condolences, to question why this happened, to express their shock and despair and disgust. It reminded me that not all of humanity sucks.

I do not know any of the victims of today’s tragic event, but still, I mourn them. I think all of us, as a country, do. We all caught a glimpse of the worst kind of evil today, and no amount of arguing about gun control or mental health treatment is going to change that. These are absolutely issues that need to be discussed, but at the core of it all, would any of that have changed what happened today? I’m not so sure. What I do know is that we’re all pulling for those in Newtown, CT. Anytime a mass shooting happens, it rips open every old wound, and makes us relive each shooting from the past. Columbine, Virginia Tech, and Aurora now have another companion in being Anytown, USA. Another community mourns its dead, and this time, it feels more personal. It cuts a little deeper.

My thoughts, prayers, and heart are with Newtown, Connecticut tonight, and they will be for quite some time.

I’m Back, Bitches…

6 Dec

It looks to be that time of year again. You know, that time of year when I start to feel guilty I haven’t posted a goddamn thing on here in months and remember that I actually enjoy writing things other than stuff for work and school. My bad. I know, I keep giving you all empty promises of being more consistent and then I end up not living up to said commitment. My apologies (again).

Anyway, it’s also that time of year when I question my career choice and lose faith in humanity a little each day; working retail through Christmas truly brings out the worst in people. Grown ass adults pitch angry-toddler worthy fits if we’re out of stock on something they want, and GODDAMNIT, THEY WANT IT NOW! In an effort to end up not hating humanity as a whole, I’ve gotten into the habit of blasting MY music through my bluetooth headset between customers (right now, the Descendants pandora station is working wonders), and searching the web for articles that may restore a little piece of my faith in humanity.

This page shows “21 Pictures That Will Restore Your Faith in Humanity.” Check it out. If you’re a cynic like I am, you’ll be glad you did. Searching vacation spots also keeps my urge to freak out at a minimum. Witch’s Rock Surf Camp in Costa Rica is still on my bucket list, and frequenting their website helps keep my blood pressure in check.

In addition to Costa Rica, I’ve recently become interested in planning a trip to New Orleans, to take part in the St. Bernard Project – a great organization that is still helping Hurricane Katrina victims rebuild their homes. It’s similar to Habitat for Humanity, and I think it would be an awesome experience. Any of you lovely readers whom actually know me personally, let me know if you’re interested in doing this with me.

Alright, my lovelies. I know this was a short/fairly boring post, but I figure easing back in’s the best way to go.

xoxo

Morning Musings…

21 Jul

First of all, I’m 4 views away from 6k page views here. Holy shit, is all I have to say. Considering the fact that I’m less than consistent with making sure I update even on a semi-regular basis, that’s more than I expected. I KNOW, I KNOW. I’ve promised this more than once… I really need to get on it – no excuses. This little project here of mine has evolved from my original vision, as I had planned to simply highlight the more ridiculous things I encounter on a daily basis. I’m kind of okay with that. It’s become my sounding board –  a place where I can share my thoughts in more than 140 character-long bursts. As it stands now, I’m sitting on the front porch of the family shore house, having just finished my first cup of coffee. I’ve got the dog in my lap, and I’m giving The Gaslight Anthem’s new album, Handwritten, a listen here. I’m kind of just writing whatever comes to mind – I sometimes think I don’t do that often enough.

Barnegat Light

Having spent this week on Long Beach Island, I’ve come to the conclusion this is one of those rare places I can truly relax. My insomnia miraculously melts away, I’m well-rested, and it feels like I have nothing in the world to worry about. I spend most of my days barefoot and in a bathing suit, hair thrown back in a messy bun and a face free of make up. The family house isn’t much – it’s over 100 years old, and lack “modern comforts” such as central air, cable TV, and internet (I’m currently using my phone as a hotspot) and I wouldn’t have it any other way. This house is where I learned how to play gin rummy, and have spent hours delving into book after book. The couch I’m sitting on has seen better days, in spite of its brand new slip-cover, and it’s still one of my favorite places to nap. I may not live here, but in a sense, this three bedroom house that will eventually be torn down when it’s sold is home. The beach up the street is where I learned to body surf, where I have dug my toes into the sand and where I have sat in quiet contemplation. It pains me to have to leave tomorrow, allowing for a different set of relatives to spend their week here. All of us – my parents, sister, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, etc. love this place – and I think we all love it for the some of the same reasons, and even many different ones.

I find that when I’m here, I’m easily inspired (I really do hate that word, I kind of feel as though it’s a bit trite) to get back to being creative. Whether it be writing, finding some form of other art I don’t completely suck at, or wanting to pick up my cameras again, I get motivated to create. This week, it’s been the bug to get back into writing – writing well, and writing regularly. I’m questioning why I ever stopped pursuing journalism as a career choice… did I really let one shitty professor in community college dissuade me from something I’m actually pretty good at? Something I’ve had a lifelong interest in? Sometimes my impulsive decisions really do bite me in the ass. Then again, who’s to say that’s not the path I was supposed to go down? I’m not going to wax philosophical on what could have been… I think I’m just a little bitter about the fact that I’ve got a degree I’m not using, in a field I kind of picked on a whim. Meh. Irrelevant, I suppose, since I’ve got a job that pays me well and keeps the bills paid and keeps food in my mouth. There’s something in the sea air that gets me all introspective and contemplative about life. Weird, right?

I really want to do some collaborative writing sometime soon… maybe start a second site with some other bloggers, kind of just a hodge podge mish mash of different styles and ideas. Anyone interested?

xoxo

What’s My Age Again? (How could I possibly be classified as an adult?)

4 Jun
 

Blink 182 said it best.

 
SO.... does anyone else sometimes maybe feel like they're not ACTUALLY a real adult? I was talking to a friend about this the other day. We're in our mid to late 20's... At what point does it kick in that you're a "grown up?"
 
Technically, I'm an adult. I pay my bills... electric, cable, cell phone, car note, car insurance, student loans, etc. I live by myself. I work. I take care of my dog (hey, some people have kids... I have Dexter. Don't judge.). I've had friends pass away, I've had friends go through chemo. I've had friends get married and have children. I've dealt with health issues and failed relationships and have moved more times than I can count. Why is it, then, I sometimes STILL think "When I'm older, I'll (insert statement about future success here)? Does anyone else do this??
 
One of my biggest fears is still disappointing my family, and I'm well past the age of being able to be grounded. Christ, I moved out at 19, so I've been wholly independent since then. I guess the question is here, what is the benchmark for being a full-fledged adult? Is it moving out on your own? Graduating college? Getting married? Having kids? Losing your own parents? I know people who have done all of the above, and they still flounder as though they're 16 years old and unsure of how to navigate the world. 
 
I know I've been waxing philosophical more than usual lately... maybe it's because I'm forever inundated on social media by friends and acquaintances getting married and popping out kids. Half of them, however, I can't help but think are doing it because they think that's what's "supposed" to come next. So many of them are unhappy because they rushed into things, and I can't help but think "THANK GOD THAT ISN'T ME." What the hell is wrong with learning how to be self sufficient and happy on your own before pulling someone else in on your shit? Don't get me wrong, I'm not hating on marriage and commitment by any means... I'm just sick of people looking at my like I'm a spinster at 27 because I haven't "settled down" yet. Whatever, dude. I'm having fun.
 
 Anyone share my views on ANY of this?
 

Baby, did it hurt? (You know, when you fell from heaven…)

20 May

You know, because we all want the creepiest guy we can find.

So, it goes without saying that most women get hit on by men that put up huge red flags at least once or twice. Getting attention from weirdos seems to be my specialty. In an effort to keep things a little light today, I’m just going to give you a quick round up of some of the most ridiculous pick-up lines I have heard over the past few years…

“I’m hammered. You’re hot. Wanna go do it in the alley?”  -No, no I don’t.

“My friend likes you. He’s in my pants, would you like to meet him?” -Really??

“You look like that chick from that movie – I’m too drunk to remember which one, but can I have your number?” -Sure. It’s 867-5309

“Wanna come back to a party with me? You’re really hot… I  mean, you smell nice and you don’t even have a lazy eye or anything.” -Are you fucking kidding me? That’s not exactly a compliment. Also, why are you close enough to smell me? Back up.

“Baby, I wish that you were gravy and I were a biscuit so I could sop you up.” -Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. EW.

“Drink up and strip down.” –Yeah, not going to happen. You’ve got a better chance of getting pregnant.

I’m pretty sure this is going to become a series of posts, as the idiots of the world never cease to amaze and astound me…

XOXO

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